Archive | April, 2012

what the Caps defense was really doing Sunday afternoon…

23 Apr

We all know something happened during sudden death that fateful Sunday aftrnoon. Was it a defensive collapse? Signals crossed? Well, I’m here to tell you what REALLY happened.

After Mojo had his so-close-lose-your-breath-near goal, the defense decided that their pregame Lasagna was wearing thin and a trip to Arby’s would be a better use of their time than helping out Holtby in his end. It went a little something like this;

Hamrlik: Wides, bro, I’m stahving. Wanna go grab some Arby’s?

Wideman: OMG great idea, Hammer! Let’s ask Mojo if he wants some!

Hamrlik: Yoo, Moj, want some Arby’s? They have a coupon deal going on with their curly fries

Johannsonn: No way, brah! I’ve been wanting that curly, deep-fried perfection since the second! Count me in

Backstrom: You guys hitting Arby’s? cause, man, I could kill for one of those chocolate pastry thingys. Like my mama used to make ’em!

Holtby: Uhh guys, there’s this giant on skates coming towards me…help?

Ovechkin: You go to Arby’s? SICKK)))))get me a mocha shake, boys!

Holtby: Mocha shake?!

*Seguin gets the puck and scores*

Hamrlik: I guess we can’t go to Arby’s now…I really wanted a reuben too *sad face*

That, Caps fans, is how it went down. If the guys can plan their lunch dates after the game, we have a real chance at winning. LET’S DO THIS THING, CAPS! And, get your Arby’s later. Please.


This is all I want to do, this is all I want to be, this is why I live

10 Apr

I want to be  hockey journalist so, so fucking bad. I dream about it, I have this pathetic excuse of a blog because if it, I live for it. It’s all I want in the world.

All I’ve ever wanted as to be paid next to nothing, living on ramen noodles reading about clothes in Vogue I’ll never be able to afford on a plane going to an ass biting cold Canadian city to watch my team win, lose, tie, whatever and write about it. Seeing my name next to a published story.

I don’t care if I ever get married or have 5 kids or have good hair days or look attractive, I just want to write about hockey. But I can’t. Other than the obvious fact I have worse grammar than a starving african kid, I have a 2.6 GPA and I only have two years of high school left. With my success involving anything with numbers, I expect to be in the 1’s by the time Senior year rolls around.

Honestly, if God exists, why did he give this absolute burning passion if he knows I can’t succeed? I won’t get into college and well, there goes my highly unlikely chance of getting paid nothing doing what I love with all my heart for a living going down the drain.

I don’t know why I’m putting this here, I guess I just want people to know I love hockey and writing about it. I’m sorry this isn’t a poor excuse for wit or my attempt at talking about what the Caps are doing. Sorry, I just had to get this out. Maybe someone will hear me.

Leave my Kitties alone!

10 Apr

I have a confession to make, guys. My love for the Caps and only the Caps isn’t pure, it is tainted by the Florida Panthers. How I fell in love with this hidiously uniformed team, I cannot say. All I know is, it started with a man.

This man’s name is Matt Bradley. No, it’s not the fan girl “I want to so smutty, smutty things to you covered in sweat” love, but true admiration of his skills, dedication, and hard work on the ice. Not to mention he’s a bad ass brussel sprout.

If Brads wasn’t enough to make me fall in love, adding Theo and Flash jsut tied the satchel. The Kitties (Panthers) are my second favorite team. Can you really yell at me for cheering for them when they won the Division? Or when they clinched a Playoff spot?

I’m still a hard core, Caps are my life Caps fan, I just enjoy seeing my Kitties play and wish them well. When they aren’t playing the Caps, of course. Why don’t y’all just get your knickers out of a twist, calm down, and enjoy the fact the Caps are in the Playoffs instead of bashing a team theat worked really hard to get where they are.


9 Apr

THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE PEOPLE!! THE CAPS ARE FACING THE BROADWAY BLUESHIRTS IN HOPES OF A RE-Wait, what? The Caps are playing the Bruins? Mushrooms…*gulp* well, as I was saying, the Caps are in the Playoffs! The day I never thought would happen is! *happy dance* Ok, let’s get down to business, folks.

The question is; who are these skating bumble bees and what do they want from us?

These bumblers go by the name of the Boston Bruins, residing in a place they call TD Garden named after the bank promoted by that really annoying guy. They dress in gold and black, bearing the resemblance of bumble bees. But they’re named after bears (wait,what?).

I is bumble bee and bear!

They have the likes of Chara, Marchand, Seguin, Lucic, and Thomas in between the pipes heading their tough as nails ’11 Cup champs. Am I the only one who’s afeared of these skating fashion disasters? (granted, not as bad as Philly or Nashville, but still)

Let us have faith, red nation, the Caps won their series against Boston in the regular season. Granted, the Caps are notorious for kicking ass in the regular season and rolling over dead in the Playoffs, but maybe going backwards (kinda) will result in a shiny, silver thing.

What can we expect Thursday? I have no freaking idea. I’m not a psychic, I can’t even remember tomorrow’s forecast. Let’s just hope it involves some major Bruins tushy kicking.


The Alabama Shakes don’t like hockey

7 Apr

Yes, I am blaming my favorite Bluesy rock band for me missing the game. IT’S ALL THEIR FAULT THEY SCHEDULED THEIR AWESOMESOCKS CONCERT THE LAST DAY OF THE REGULAR SEASON!

I’m super excited to go (I won’t sing along to every song this time, dad),  but I’m missing RMNB’s viewing party of epic proportions and the Caps game. thank Pronger for DVR’s.

Who saw the Caps not lose thursday?! Me too! Well, sorta…I watched the last half of the game. But they’re going to the Playoffs AND playing the Rangers! The only team the Caps can beat! (Rangers fans love me, guys) Unless something stupid with points happens. In which case, they’ll be playing the Devils *gulp* or the Bruins *GULP* with the possibility of another random team I can’t remember *mini gulp*.

So, YAY! The Caps are in the Playoffs so I can grace the world with my loverly Playoff Beard. Let’s do this, guys!

For all you uncultured neanderthals, the Alabama Shakes:

I dont’ kow how to “embed” stuff, ok? Is their a Blogging for Dummy’s book out there?

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